24 June 2011

Maybe I Am the Bad Guy

It's hard to do, you know? Getting a real job; earning real money. And, stealing and vandalizing is so much more fun anyhow. And, hell, it's easy. That's what I'm really looking for, right? Easy. So, here I am in some rich bastard’s home, trying to figure out if this is what I really should be doing. And I guess it is. It's the easiest thing for me to do, and, to be honest, after doing it for so long, why should I quit now? Why shouldn't I take this DVD player or this computer monitor? It's just sitting here unattended, ready for me to pick up and shove into the trunk of my car. It's just sitting here in this little suburban utopia where the houses all have two floors and the fridges have food in them--where the mommies and daddies buy their kids presents on Christmas. Nobody will miss their stuff for long. Hell, they'd probably throw it out in a few weeks for better stuff anyway.

And, you know what? I love smashing their matching plates and glasses on their shiny kitchen floors. The echo they make in this big fucking house is just too satisfying for me to stop. And what do these people expect anyway? They flaunt their big houses with the well-kept lawns and the fences around their yards in their little gated communities and practically say “Look at us; we have stuff worth stealing!” What do they expect when I have to live out of my car and I have to donate plasma for food money and they sit here comfortably with all this useless shit?! I'm not the bad guy here. I'm the fucking victim.

Maybe one day I'll live in a place like this. Maybe one day I'll have two refrigerators full of food and a pantry and a laundry room and I'll be able to sit on my own big couch and turn on my own big television. Maybe I'll come back from my office job and kick off my shoes and pass out in my own big recliner with the air conditioner on high, bundled in a blanket. My wife will wake me up for dinner and my kids will kiss me and tell me they love me.

I'm not trying to be the bad guy here. I'm just trying to survive and maybe show these people that their shiny little sheltered lives aren't all that's out there. Show them that there are people like me still out here in the world, stealing to survive and wishing I could live like them. It's not like I haven't tried to get a real job. But being treated like shit by an anal retentive boss in a job I hate for the rest of my life just isn't appealing. At least, not as appealing as this.

These people probably deserve this stuff; I'm not stupid. They probably worked hard for it and sacrificed a lot. But, I've sacrificed a lot and worked hard too. I deserve at least a piece of this stuff, but what do I have? Haven't I given up enough: my friends, my family, my life? Just so I could shit on the lives of people who probably don't deserve it? Didn't everyone always say “Go chase your dreams. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you love doing it?” Well, I chased my dreams and failed; now I take away other people's dreams.

I don't know; maybe I am a bad guy. But somebody has to be.

No comments:

Post a Comment